My name is Cookie, I am 51.
What I like is that the course facilitators are not just facilitating but also being a part of the course and sharing their own experiences and going through their own journey and that is good.
And here is my story...
20 years ago I came to Southampton and it was a year after my dad died. I am lucky where I live but I need to change things. I was in a violent relationship and I thought this would be a fresh start but I brought me the drug addict and alcoholic with me.
I was at a women’s refuge centre and we got chucked out of the first one. My poor kids and then we got put into another one where there was all sorts going on. I am not an aggressive person but I am quite passive aggressive and we got chucked out of there because of the way I spoke to a woman in the office. My children were taken into care. Very luckily I met a homeless guy and he told me about a rehab centre and after the 10th day of knocking on their door I got allowed in and had detox there and also aftercare.
I was able to get my children back after about 4 months and I was given a 3-bedroomed house. My children were aged 12, 8 and 1. Before that I lived as a new age traveller living around Europe with the girls and my husband.
The course is opening up things and making me think about how things have held me back. I am trying to get a better self-worth. I don’t see any of my grandchildren and it is easy for me to beat myself up and I am sick and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am a Christian but there are a lot of times I say to God that I am ready to go.
I have bi-polar and because of that people say it would be hard for me to have a relationship with God but I disagree with that. God sends me messages in lots of different ways and this time I am not ignoring them. Someone on the course said that when one door closes, another one will open. I have faith that I am on this journey and I know it is going to be good.
I have a lot of negative thoughts. I think I should write a book about the lies I tell myself. I am trying to be positive. I volunteer at an allotment and in a charity shop at the weekends. The course is making me aware of a lot of my behaviours. Before coming here I would say that I was irritating, annoying, get on people’s nerves, as if they are parts of me that I cannot control but I have choices. Having the book to take home will be really good as I will be able to see everything again. It is nice to meet new people as I am a very much a people person.
October 2016